…the journey I would not want to miss…

I FELT A DIRE NEED TO POST THIS: the following article or say some parts of it was published in SY 2006-2007 in one of the Ti Similla issues, a publication of University of the Philippines Baguio. Revisions were made.

I started my teaching career when I was still in grade school. My first students were my siblings. I guided them to read and write letters. I also facilitated them in writing their names. Counting activities and story telling were also part of my duty. My little blackboard and hardly earned chalk were with me during this short mission.

Teaching runs in my veins since childhood. It is a vocation that I started to experience early in life. Gurong Pahinungod Program (GPP) once again allowed me to have more chalks and be with now a bigger blackboard but with a greater responsibility. This program led me to repaint an almost forgotten past.

I prayed for a teaching career but I never wished to be with high school students. But the Lord was really wise for leading me into a path I never wanted just to show more of myself and of Himself.

Being a Gurong Pahinungod (GP) is a life changing experience. It touched every aspect of my life—emotional, psychological, mental, social and spiritual. Living in a community where I am a complete stranger melt down whatever arrogance I have. It left nothing but humility and ability to understand in a wider perspective. It renewed me as an individual. This affirmed me all the more. It has stretched my faith and exhausted my skills and revealed my unknown talents. Thus, it became a re-creation of my self. GPP showed more of who am I. It unleashed my capability to see and evaluate my weaknesses and fears and most especially to conquer them.

Gurong Pahinungod is not a perfect experience. It is not smiling and laughing moments at all times. There are times that I got really mad. Some instances I wanted to quit and live my life. At times I got very frustrated. And there are moments that I find myself kneeling down before the Lord, crying out loud hoping that it will reach heaven, but I believe all my prayers have reached God. But the bottom line is I learned. I learned that servant hood requires your whole life. It is a bitter sweet experience that we will face. But after that the rewards are in heaven.

A year of volunteer work made me realize that teaching does not stop when your students could decode the word, recognize the word, or even understand the word. In reality teaching does not end; it’s infinite. Even separation could not break the process, it is a transcending duty. I am not only a giver but also a recipient of learning. If I could inflict change to just one life I know the sacrifices are worth giving, for just one year.

I thank the Lord for bringing me into this point of my life. A point where I do not only teach, but I’m being taught as well; a point where I could see life in its most colorful state; a point where I could say that I have tried to crossed the lines from selfishness to selflessness; a point where I could agree with Rizal that the youth are the hope of this nation; a point where I could say that my generation could make a difference.

I did not emerge from a wealthy family not even from upper middle nor lower middle class; probably, I am from one of the lowest decile in the society. You might find this strange or same may even address this as insanity. If that would be the case I’m choosing to be crazy being a servant of my fellow than to be sane yet lacks profoundness.

NEXT BET

ATTENTION: Read the link before reading the article, to contextualize this post. Thanks!

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/breakingnews/nation/view/20080422-131998/Crush-causes-of-insurgency-not-rebels

For weeks I have been problematizing the strategies of the government in dealing with the numerous crises that bombard the Philippine archipelago from sun up to sun down.

In the event of succession for PNP chief, the contenders will have their chance to express the plans for Philippine issues that concerns them.

The issue of insurgency in the Philippines is a stagnant subject matter in the archipelago. The desire to put off this movement has caused bloodshed all over the Philippines.

Reading through the statements of Deputy Director General Jesus Verzosa, I sensed some hope for the issue of insurgency. Instead of declaring war against the insurgents, he instead declared a rather hopeful strategy. Rather than bloodshed, he chose to cull the reasons of insurgency. What a statement from an officer, who wanted to pursue understanding than waste ammo in the battlefield, chasing one after the other.

Indeed, this country is tired of wars in the mountains and plains. The nation needs a more rational, real and objective pursuit of dealing with the crises. It’s high time to put a cap on the ammo and trace other paths other than engaging conflicts forever. The life that breathes inside each nation needs much more that the ideology that people are dying for.

I hope that those people sitting in ivory towers will follow the same path. We can never stop insurgency by killing the people who are part of it but we can put of the flames the keep insurgency burning by listening to the people, knowing their needs and their reasons for rebellion. Wars against insurgency will just rise up more insurgents; it will never silence it. thus, we must turn around our approach in dealing with this issue.

TEMPTATION OF DEEP THOUGHTS

takdang sumuong sa misteryo ng katahimikan at pag-iisa

bugso

Bumubulwak ang hangin, kasaliw nito’y himig na nakapanghihilakbot, may hatid rimarim ang bawat pagpatak ng hangin.

redeemed

Sinimulan kong isatitik ang aking isipan nang huminto ang pluma. Nilagyan ko ng diin and pagsulat; padiin nang padiin hanggang sa tumagas ang dugong nagsadula ng aking kasaysayan.

EARLY MORNING THOUGHTS

April 5, 2008. A few hours ago I’m contemplating to write a blog on anything about what I feel, or what I think. I’ve tried opening a word document and doodle around. My mind has a lot to offer but I can’t proceed. I can only give until three sentences and my thoughts will start to swirl around, until I bumped into Ate Kiana’s blog.

It is exactly 12 months past since the last time I held a chalk and played it around my fingers. 12 months had past since I rushed on the grades that I have to submit at the same time my co-teacher was bargaining for me to pass all her advisees.

I miss every single thing about being in a classroom, managing your own class; sharing life and ideas; sharing time and life’s experiences. I miss waking up very early in the morning to prepare for my class and staying up really late to evaluate my classes. I miss my life that revolves around textbooks, exams, lesson plan, notebook and all. I miss my life inside the classroom. I miss those people I have shared my life with.

My eyes are pretty teary. At some point, I thought life was so unfair. I never choose to quit but life made me quit leaving all the passion for teaching behind. At first I can’t reconcile God’s reasons for letting me do something and forego of what I really like. I can’t imagine how I managed to cross that part of my life, leaving behind the life that I want.

Now I am in crossroads again. I can grab a chance to go back to this life that I’ve missed. Now I get to understand God. He wanted me to stand firm on what I really wanted to do. Wherever place I’ll go, I’ll choose that path I chose before. I opt to remain a teacher, to share life with people who have the same thirsty spirit as I am. God in His own mysterious ways wanted me to realize the thing that I really want; giving me a clear and definite direction on my way towards it.

Indeed, God owns the secret things in life and it’s up for Him to reveal them in His desired time. Praise God for making me see this in the bleak point of my life. We may not understand Him at some point, we may get annoyed in His process of teaching us but He will definitely deliver us and teach us upon His sovereign design.

THANKFUL DESPITE OF….

Growing up in our neighborhood was never easy for me. I grew up in a community where most of our neighbors are going abroad to find for greener pastures. Luckily they did; they stumbled upon places of milk and honey.

Materially, their families were able to achieve what they want. Envy of this condition and desperate to provide us with a better life, my mother tried moving her way as well. My father inclined to follow his ideals never approved of that. At that age, I was confused my mother was I think overly submissive to our father missing the opportunity to follow her wants and desires, especially for her. Consequentially, my mother and father have to remain sellers all their life while our neighbors are enjoying life here and abroad, materially.

As the years are passing, the leaves falling from the branches that keep them, slowly our shy community started to expand. I observed house renovations here and there. I could see our neighbors acquiring assets, one thing we were greatly deprived of. I still remember we had a television because my aunt gave us one and that was in 2004, if my memory serves me right.

Because of our economic condition, we were expected to join our parents in the market selling their stuffs. Thus, we lived a secluded life. I, being the eldest and a female, was never given the freedom to spend ample time with my friends and visit the places in our small town.

Now, time has allowed me to process everything. The more than two concluded decades of my life made me realize the privilege we had, as a family. Today, an intact family is offered elusively; one thing we enjoyed. You may be together physically but you priorities in life differ. Or it may happen the other way around. This age showed me that living together in one family may last for only less than a decade because young families starts to break away due to economic demands. Thank God we made more than that.

Fathers or mothers going into far places to earn a living, and wanting to provide for their families needs because they are afraid that the society’s expectation will not be met. The Philippine’s dependence to OFW’s escalates yearly because the country cannot provide enough jobs for them.

The results of this search for green pasture are broken homes and broken lives in the neighborhood. Parents, who took the risk, leaving their kids behind, are trustful of their other half to take over all the responsibilities in the household more importantly tending their children. Unknowingly, when they get back they will be surprised with unwanted pregnancies, drug addicted children, out-of-school youth, unfaithful wife/husband, ailing house; and the worst no savings at all.

Building a family structured in a home will never be an easy task. However, repairing a broken family or broken life is a lot hard work than anything else, especially if you don’t know them anymore. Earning a lot in a faraway land may merit you the opportunity to aid a temporal hunger but the loss earned from leaving may mean a long enduring pain.