One Goal: Education for All

Thursday, 2 February 2012

One Day I Will Walk on Water

This morning as I continue my reading in the book of Matthew, I was disturbed by this question: "Why did you doubt?" (Matt. 14:31b)
After having Peter to walk with Him on water, Jesus asked this question. Most of us know this story, this mind blowing story. I am not sure if any of us, who would be at Peter's similar situation, will be totally sold to the possibility of walking on water with Jesus.
 
But Peter was so eager to walk on water with Jesus until he saw the wind (v.30), and his faith was challenged.
The rest of my time I spent thinking about the "winds" (and I hope I can list them down as well) in my life. This led to countless questions that dig deeply in the quality of relationship and fellowship that I have with the Lord Jesus. 
Do I really doubt? When do I doubt? What makes me doubt? Why do I doubt? How do I deal with my doubts?
What are these winds? How do I deal with the winds? Do I really deal with these winds? Or am I just covering up? Or probably escaping from my winds?
Doubting brings someone into a process of choosing to stay or to leave, to get or not, to buy or not. Normally, when doubt sets in we don't buy, we don't get, we change our mind, our choice, our decision, or we abandon all the pre-identified options. Doubt forces us to think whether we are right or wrong. 
There are certain decisions in our life, that after doing them, we still doubt. We may also doubt other people's affection towards us, regardless of the degree or nature of relationship we have with them. Sadly, God is not exempted in this doubting attitude. God who is beyond our senses is always being subjected by us to doubting. 
Unanswered prayers, never ending struggles, failures, abandonment, absence of love; this can be endless. When we are hurt, we push away. When things fall out of our expectation, we push away. When we fail, we push away. When we feel unloved, we push away. When we struggle with our personal issues, we push away. Normal, understandable,probably.
These situations can push or draw us away from God. Considering human tendencies, I can only look at God's love and grace as a way to keep closer and stay in His presence.
I find this an healthy exercise though. Asking about our faith, roaming around the world of my mind affirms the reality and authenticity of my relationship with Jesus. At the end of the day, I want to have Peter's eagerness to walk with Jesus, on water.
To God be the glory.

Wednesday, 30 November 2011

My Series: Two of Many

Heavenly bodies are the simplest pleasures of my life.
Moon, stars, sky, clouds, sun.
Last Monday, captivated by cloud formations, I had one of the best flights ever. The best of what I’ve witnessed, so far. Then, that night, I was so engaged with the moon…as always. (Sad I didn’t have the pleasure of staring at it, like I used to while in Bonifacio building.)
Simple pleasures.
Ulap, kelan ba huhupa ang pagnanais kong mahimlay kasama mo sa iyong paglalakbay?
Ilang minuto bago lumapag ng paliparan ako’y namangha sa isang buong isla ng ulap. Para akong bata, gusto kong pumara at mamasyal sa isla ng ulap. May pond, gubat, grassland, mga hayop; puro nga lang puti. Pakiramdam ko pwede ko na iyong tapakan ng hindi ako mamamatay. Baliw na nga marahil ako, at ikinababaliw ko ang mga ulap.
Pagkalipas ng aking pagkamangha, may mas nakakamangha pang kaisipan ang bumalot sa aking pagkatao.
Suddenly, I saw my life in those clouds.
Clouds are composed of tiny droplets of water, moving towards each other then moving together, to form majestic scenery. At the onset, these droplets of waters are just tiny droplets of water. At the onset they can be meaningless, no shape, no sense; they just keep moving towards each other and keep moving together.
My life, every day of my life, is just a tiny droplet of my life. My finite mind limits my perspective. I can be happy, sad, routinary, angry, anxious, or scared. Many times, I look at the days of my life in a typical manner. Grandeur is absent; meaning is scarce, in my perspective. But the nearness of God proves otherwise. Thank God, He is infinite. He is the Alpha and the Omega. He knows everything, and HE CARES.
God, in His sovereignty, is creating a beautiful cloud formation out my life. I will look forward then to that day when my life will be a witness of God’s finest architecture.

Thursday, 24 November 2011

My Series: One of Many

Writing without anything to write

Plenty of ideas but I can’t tame them to be shared in coherence. None of them wanted to be volunteered.

This could be my most daring attempt, writing without anything.

Tonight, I will be staring at every word, and hope to arrive at something edifying.

I am supposed to write about Ezekiel. I remember I was very excited to share this. Well, I am suppose to be excited, or am I?

I wish generosity will pay me a visit tonight.

Writing is the most controlled area of my life.

I can hide. I can pretend. I can create an identity. I preach. I release my angst. I speak up. I conceal my emotion in every word. I can be very good, I can be very bad. In writing, I find freedom, personal freedom, I think. But not to be shared, please.

Writing has become my confidant, for years. But those words are hidden…hidden in the abyss. Now I can’t write. Maybe because there is no room to pretend, no chance to hide, no reason to preach, scared to release some angst, hesitant to speak up, or probably my emotion is just so huge that I can’t hide it in words.

I remember some years ago, someone prayed about this hiding thing that I am fond of doing (). I can’t forget that prayer. I am, up to now shocked to have heard that prayer. I only met her while doing my summer class, too short for her to discover that. Definitely, I never shared personal things with her, especially “kalokohan”. Then, I realized God connected us through prayer. Maybe she didn’t know me, but God put words into her mouth to expose me. 

Now, I’ve another realization, I can’t fool anyone in prayer. If I will enter prayer with the right attitude, I can’t go my way. As I try to connect, I will be connected. This could be an opportunity for me to renew my mind (Rom12:2). This is probably part of the “live a life of prayer” thing. Maybe I can wish to write as if I am praying so I could stop hiding and setting lame excuses.

Tuesday, 24 August 2010

Hostage Drama and Ms. Universe

The recent Philippine events that made the international community a captive audience prods me to write after a really, really long time.

The hostage drama and the inclusion of Ms Philippines in the Top 5 Ms Universe finalist proved many discontented and reckless Filipinos.

I am sad about the pointing of fingers after what had happened in the Luneta Park last Monday night. It was indeed a very long 12-hour ordeal for the hostages, for the ex-police and for the rescuing team. Many among the audience would like to say their piece, and I fully respect that. Realistically, we can broadcast whatever we want but after that I hope we are also reflecting upon what we can do.

Failures have reasons. In the final analysis, everyone can be victims. The hostage taker was (according to write ups) a victim of injustice. The hostages have the obvious plight. The police officers maybe victims of systemic insufficiencies, or probably surprised that a well-recognized police will do such, or any other reasons that can be pooled. The policy makers can be victims of miscalculation of risks, unforeseen events such as these, or other insufficiencies. The audience are also victims for lack of first hand experiences, or foresight of the consequences.

Few hours after that incident, the Philippines witnessed yet another fight to reclaim a lost glory, the Ms Universe tilt. Our bet ended up 4th, after 11 long years the Philippines once again found a spot in the Top 5. Yet, I read comments that they are not satisfied with the answer of Ms Raj. The point is when did we ever find satisfaction in anything?

Many people have brought home pride for the country, to name a few are Lea Salonga, Manny Pacquiao, Charice Pempengco and all else. Yet we were never satisfied, and we shout about it. Where do we really draw our standards for excellence? When do we really know that we are proud to be Pinoy?

When do we ever forgive the mistakes and failures committed in this nation and by the very important people in the Philippines? I am part of an imperfect family, and we kept rebuilding again and again by forgiving each other and being an active participant to keep it alive. I am part of an imperfect nation, but I choose to forgive this nation and be an active builder in my own way. I am an imperfect person, but despite my imperfection I know I can keep this nation alive.

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

CONFESSIONS OF A SINGLE LADY

Being young makes me feel very strong and invincible. I feel to have full of strength that I spend a lot of time at work. I know that I perform my job because I want to bring glory to God. I pray for excellence in my work. I pray for my officemates. I pray for most activities I do at work, even my response to pressures and some possible compromise. Little did I know that in the process my body is having accumulated weakness, until I got sick.

I don’t remember anymore about the last time I had severe fever. Probably for almost ten years I never stayed in bed longer than one day because of fever. Sometimes overnight was enough for a fever visit. Generally, I don’t get sick especially if I’m away from my family. In fact, there are years that I never get sick. But last week (June 26-July 3) is a different week, I cannot withstand the fever. It came without warning and I got tired of drinking medicines.

Since I know I am not sickly, it took me five days before I decided to go and seek medical help (June 30). I thought it was just an ordinary fever I usually had. I hated being sick because that means staying home, doing nothing but sleeping all day. I can’t even read because my head aches and I feel dizzy.

I consulted one of my doctor-friend, and without seeing me, she told me that I possibly acquired A(H1N1). But my other doctor-friend opted to accompany me to the hospital, and so we went. I was so scared to be admitted, I’d rather stay home. I immediately asked God that if possible I don’t want to stay in the hospital even for an overnight stay. However, I still took my pillow with me in case the answer is NO.

At the hospital, they took my blood and had an x-ray. We waited for the laboratory results until about 10:00 pm. During the initial diagnosis, which was done earlier, I was spared from A(H1N1) but suspected of dengue fever. When the lab results were released the doctor wanted another blood test because of my low platelet count.

The next day (July 1) as I was preparing to go back to the hospital for the lab test, I suddenly felt very ill. I know I can’t go back, but I have to and I can’t go there alone, I feel so bad. I chanced on Ate Precy (Evangelista), and she agreed to accompany me. This time I am still afraid that the hospital might admit me. The second lab result cleared me for dengue and all I need to do is obey (drink medicine on time and REST). The last prescription was to drink water.

I was admitted, in Evangelista Medical Center is where I spent my July 1, 2009. This made my healing process easier than staying alone in our house. Ate Precy took another mile and served as my nurse. Grace and Ruth were my prayer warriors. They always pray for my healing, especially during mealtime. This is 101% better than hospital.

Incidentally, I was reading the Book of Matthew. I don’t understand some parts of the book but during the time I was sick, I kept in my heart that Jesus is the only Healer. Jesus heals in different ways, direct or indirect, verbal or by touching. Sometimes, He does not immediately cure (i.e. Lazarus) to manifest greater things about Him. He has His set time and He is always in control.

Everyday, since Day 1 I am expectant that God will heal me. It took how many days but in all those days He never failed to remind me that He will heal me, and so I never lose hope. (Right now I am 99.99% recovered)

God, who is in control, simply want to open my eyes and understand Him all the more. Yes, I struggled with pain because He did not immediately heal me but He allowed other people to bless me. He wants me to see Ria (my roommate) is very much concern about my condition; that she is willing to sacrifice a portion of her time to serve me. He allowed me to feel the thoughtfulness and concern of my officemates. He allowed me to be blessed by Dr. Marian, by bringing me to the hospital despite the fact that she’s also tired from her hospital work. He allowed me to be blessed by the Evangelista family as they took care of me. He opened an opportunity for me to be blessed by my Dgroup. All the while I thought they didn’t care but they do. I found a cheap and good hospital. During the time I was sick, I had generous time with Tiny (ex-cadet). I’ve wanted to see him and talk to him. And guess what, God gave me all the time.

I all these things I am greatly blessed. And I could have missed to see all these if God had healed me earlier. I praise God for allowing me to experience pain but also allowed me to see the people around. July 2 Nanay arrived. She very well know how to take care of me. I thank God for Nanay, I just can’t imagine life without her. Ate Precy was able to share the Gospel to Nanay and she prayed to receive Christ. Amazing!!! Praise God. I have been praying for that day to come, it’s been years of prayer and the answer just came. WOW!

That Sunday July 5 I brought Nanay with me in CCF. That was not the first time I brought her to church but it was my very first time to see her positive response while we were attending the service. Words are not enough to describe the awe I felt. God was just so amazing!!!!!

I never regret being sick for more than a week. This is the first time in my life that I enjoyed being sick. Words may not be enough to thank God, but in my heart I am deeply moved. I am not worthy of the blessings but by His grace He made me worthy. I seek forgiveness because I know in the process I have sinned before God. I just praise God that my sins have already been forgiven and nailed at the cross. To Jesus Christ be all the glory. Amen.

LESSON LEARNED:
ü Keep a servant heart
ü Obey
ü Listen to God
ü Stewardship of the body
ü Discretion
ü Don’t be afraid to rest

Monday, 13 April 2009

Para sa mga batang pinagkaitan ng laya...

Nilikha ka ng kapusukan o pagmamahal,
Nagbungang buhay ay binuhay,
Ngunit nakakubling buhay ang buhay.

Hinabing istorya’t isiniwalat,
Pangsikil sa layang dapat,
Pangtakip sa walang hanggan,
Pangsinop sa katotohanan.

Musmos ma’y dapat lumaya,
Nang matutong magpalaya.
Kahihiyan ipagparaya,
Kapalit ng paglaya.

Nakakalunos na paslit,
Binigyang buhay,
Ngunit ninakawan ng laya
At karapatan.
Marapat pang kitlin,
Kaysa habang buhay bilanguin.

Friday, 20 March 2009

isang pagsilip sa sarili

Dapat nga ba talagang sadyain ang pagkakaibigan? O pwede nga bang sadyain ang pagkakaibigan? Hindi kaya ito magiging simpleng ekspresyon na lang ng “hypocrisy”

Sa aking pananaw ang pagkakaibigan ay arbitrary. Nangyayari ito kahit hindi pagplanuhan. Bahagi siya ng tinatawag na natural instinct ba yun? Mayroong pwersang parang nagdidikta sa swak-ness nang personalidad ng mga indibidwal. Kung wala ang pwersa na yon, pwede kayang pilitin ang sarili?

Marahil sa pagdaan ng panahon, given the chance to lower one’s pride, magtutugma din ang personalidad. Thus, maaring magsimula sa pilitan ang lahat pero dapat tunawin ito ng pagpapakumbaba at malawak na pang-unawa.

(reminder sa aking sarili, para maging mas friendly ako hahah)