MY LIFE WITH JUNE...

Praise God for the courage that He has blessed me to share into writing the experiences I had for the past 30 days.

Yes, it had been 30 days since I had my most coveted 24th birthday and my official unemployment date.

Praise God for giving me strength and courage to face , go through and endure a 30-day (and more than that) unemployed period. Considering my condition , especially to those whom I have shared my life and principles with, becoming unemployed will never be easy.

I left Baguio to spend my 24th birthday with my family in Cagayan; after a year of separation with most of them. Along with that I have with me a decision to stay in Manila and start a new job, hoping to have it as my career path.

The decision to leave Baguio was not instant; it was neither easy. It went through months of "trial" and prayers. Although I am praying that God will send me in Tarlac or somewhere near, I also opened my perspective for other possibilities like anywhere in the Philippines. While seeking for new directions and applying for my next job, three invitations came in Mindanao, Bulacan and Manila.

Because I will never bat an eyelash for Mindanao, I needed to seek affirmation from my family. Immediately, everybody did not agree so I have to dismiss this option, although deep in my heart I am agonizing.

Several invitations from Manila came in, but I seriously considered only one because of so many reasons. After my birthday, I went to Manila to face the decision that I made.

When I traded Baguio for Manila, I felt like trading friendship for principles. It is a topsy turvy twist that I myself do not understand. I am confused. My last few days in Baguio is a life lived in pain. Even before I left only few of my friends gave their blessings; until I reached Manila I can only hear discouragements. Because of these, at some point I thought I am blinded by my disobedience. Most of of my friends are discouraging me to stay in Manila and warning me of the dangers that I will face. I know Manila is a dangerous place but this does not threaten me to the point of backing out.

During my first week of June in Manila many consequences did not turn out to be favorable to me, as I expected them to be. My chosen job Manila did not prosper, not even my most awaited job in Bulacan. Because most of my friends are still not-in-favor-mode during that time, I thought I am being punished by God. I expected to be under curse in the following days. Along side, I lost hope and I felt miserable.

After a very "unsuccessful" week in Manila, I decided to stay in Tarlac for my second week. Many have encouraged me to go back to Baguio but I chose not to. I needed a neutral place at that time, a place where I can re-organize my shattered pieces. While in Tarlac, I went back to my very first job, selling. Simultaneously, I am submitting my resume everywhere while during afternoon I am busy with jobstreet. Many times, I was tempted to go back to my comfort zone (Baguio), fleeing from the ghosts of my life.

A week of staying in the market and selling made me realize and appreciate even more the sovereignty of God. Also, I saw my importance even more as a child of God, that God will prosper His children. I remember a few fights with my Bespren. She reminded me that as we pray for our wants, let us keep in mind that only God's plan will prevail. Although this was said in a very different context, it made me remember the teaching and HR positions that I really prayed for, which apparently, were not granted.

On the third week, I decided to go back to Manila. This time I have my confidence recharged. I just trusted God and put into mind that He is in control. I consider every day as operating according to His plan. I simply enjoyed each passing day - preparing for pre-employment exams and interviews, dressing up and preparing my documents. I have failed many exams and interviews and I have won some. However, every day I wake up under God' grace armed with renewed vigor and confidence. Indeed, everyday is a miracle from the Lord.

Fourth week my job hunt life continues. As I've shared to Bespren, I am enjoying it. I know even in applying for jobs I am serving God; I am worshiping God.

Last weekend, June 28-29, 2008, was spent with the Evangelistas. It is an overwhelming joy to see them. The family, especially Ate Precy, simply affirmed me. Despite the trials and tests I experienced here in Manila, I felt assured that God is not actually punishing me, He is just teaching me His ways and not my ways.

Maybe you are expecting me to tell you that I have a job already. Well, officially none yet. But I know God is preparing my heart and He already promised a seat for me.

It is so amazing how God has crushed my self only to put it back again, Himself. Again, He simply wanted me to go back to the basic and ask this question: "Who is God in my life?"

The 30-day period just ended. Every day God make sure that I am becoming a better and stronger person. He does not miss any opportunity to reveal Himself to me. I know this is just the beginning, I have yet to unravel the mysteries why God allowed me to get in this place, in the JUNGLE, as some of my friends referred to. One thing I am certain, the work of the Lord will never be in vain.

(originally written on June 30, 2008)

CAPTIVATED....again

Sitting by and mystified by the seductive wind breeze. I am mesmerized by the sight of a daring sun, kissing the edge of the sea in the horizon. The vastness of the sea conveys power and magnitude. The untiring ebb and flow of water pampers the tiny sand of the sea. The smoothness and gentleness of the sea has conquered me. But beyond that I am captured by their unity - sea, sun and sand. Although separated by differences and distances, they manage to reach out and maintain intimacy.

(written while taking a pre-employment exam in Landbank head office, overlooking Manila Bay)