My Series: One of Many

Writing without anything to write

Plenty of ideas but I can’t tame them to be shared in coherence. None of them wanted to be volunteered.

This could be my most daring attempt, writing without anything.

Tonight, I will be staring at every word, and hope to arrive at something edifying.

I am supposed to write about Ezekiel. I remember I was very excited to share this. Well, I am suppose to be excited, or am I?

I wish generosity will pay me a visit tonight.

Writing is the most controlled area of my life.

I can hide. I can pretend. I can create an identity. I preach. I release my angst. I speak up. I conceal my emotion in every word. I can be very good, I can be very bad. In writing, I find freedom, personal freedom, I think. But not to be shared, please.

Writing has become my confidant, for years. But those words are hidden…hidden in the abyss. Now I can’t write. Maybe because there is no room to pretend, no chance to hide, no reason to preach, scared to release some angst, hesitant to speak up, or probably my emotion is just so huge that I can’t hide it in words.

I remember some years ago, someone prayed about this hiding thing that I am fond of doing (). I can’t forget that prayer. I am, up to now shocked to have heard that prayer. I only met her while doing my summer class, too short for her to discover that. Definitely, I never shared personal things with her, especially “kalokohan”. Then, I realized God connected us through prayer. Maybe she didn’t know me, but God put words into her mouth to expose me. 

Now, I’ve another realization, I can’t fool anyone in prayer. If I will enter prayer with the right attitude, I can’t go my way. As I try to connect, I will be connected. This could be an opportunity for me to renew my mind (Rom12:2). This is probably part of the “live a life of prayer” thing. Maybe I can wish to write as if I am praying so I could stop hiding and setting lame excuses.