Being young makes me feel very strong and invincible. I feel to have full of strength that I spend a lot of time at work. I know that I perform my job because I want to bring glory to God. I pray for excellence in my work. I pray for my officemates. I pray for most activities I do at work, even my response to pressures and some possible compromise. Little did I know that in the process my body is having accumulated weakness, until I got sick.
I don’t remember anymore about the last time I had severe fever. Probably for almost ten years I never stayed in bed longer than one day because of fever. Sometimes overnight was enough for a fever visit. Generally, I don’t get sick especially if I’m away from my family. In fact, there are years that I never get sick. But last week (June 26-July 3) is a different week, I cannot withstand the fever. It came without warning and I got tired of drinking medicines.
Since I know I am not sickly, it took me five days before I decided to go and seek medical help (June 30). I thought it was just an ordinary fever I usually had. I hated being sick because that means staying home, doing nothing but sleeping all day. I can’t even read because my head aches and I feel dizzy.
I consulted one of my doctor-friend, and without seeing me, she told me that I possibly acquired A(H1N1). But my other doctor-friend opted to accompany me to the hospital, and so we went. I was so scared to be admitted, I’d rather stay home. I immediately asked God that if possible I don’t want to stay in the hospital even for an overnight stay. However, I still took my pillow with me in case the answer is NO.
At the hospital, they took my blood and had an x-ray. We waited for the laboratory results until about 10:00 pm. During the initial diagnosis, which was done earlier, I was spared from A(H1N1) but suspected of dengue fever. When the lab results were released the doctor wanted another blood test because of my low platelet count.
The next day (July 1) as I was preparing to go back to the hospital for the lab test, I suddenly felt very ill. I know I can’t go back, but I have to and I can’t go there alone, I feel so bad. I chanced on Ate Precy (Evangelista), and she agreed to accompany me. This time I am still afraid that the hospital might admit me. The second lab result cleared me for dengue and all I need to do is obey (drink medicine on time and REST). The last prescription was to drink water.
I was admitted, in Evangelista Medical Center is where I spent my July 1, 2009. This made my healing process easier than staying alone in our house. Ate Precy took another mile and served as my nurse. Grace and Ruth were my prayer warriors. They always pray for my healing, especially during mealtime. This is 101% better than hospital.
Incidentally, I was reading the Book of Matthew. I don’t understand some parts of the book but during the time I was sick, I kept in my heart that Jesus is the only Healer. Jesus heals in different ways, direct or indirect, verbal or by touching. Sometimes, He does not immediately cure (i.e. Lazarus) to manifest greater things about Him. He has His set time and He is always in control.
Everyday, since Day 1 I am expectant that God will heal me. It took how many days but in all those days He never failed to remind me that He will heal me, and so I never lose hope. (Right now I am 99.99% recovered)
God, who is in control, simply want to open my eyes and understand Him all the more. Yes, I struggled with pain because He did not immediately heal me but He allowed other people to bless me. He wants me to see Ria (my roommate) is very much concern about my condition; that she is willing to sacrifice a portion of her time to serve me. He allowed me to feel the thoughtfulness and concern of my officemates. He allowed me to be blessed by Dr. Marian, by bringing me to the hospital despite the fact that she’s also tired from her hospital work. He allowed me to be blessed by the Evangelista family as they took care of me. He opened an opportunity for me to be blessed by my Dgroup. All the while I thought they didn’t care but they do. I found a cheap and good hospital. During the time I was sick, I had generous time with Tiny (ex-cadet). I’ve wanted to see him and talk to him. And guess what, God gave me all the time.
I all these things I am greatly blessed. And I could have missed to see all these if God had healed me earlier. I praise God for allowing me to experience pain but also allowed me to see the people around. July 2 Nanay arrived. She very well know how to take care of me. I thank God for Nanay, I just can’t imagine life without her. Ate Precy was able to share the Gospel to Nanay and she prayed to receive Christ. Amazing!!! Praise God. I have been praying for that day to come, it’s been years of prayer and the answer just came. WOW!
That Sunday July 5 I brought Nanay with me in CCF. That was not the first time I brought her to church but it was my very first time to see her positive response while we were attending the service. Words are not enough to describe the awe I felt. God was just so amazing!!!!!
I never regret being sick for more than a week. This is the first time in my life that I enjoyed being sick. Words may not be enough to thank God, but in my heart I am deeply moved. I am not worthy of the blessings but by His grace He made me worthy. I seek forgiveness because I know in the process I have sinned before God. I just praise God that my sins have already been forgiven and nailed at the cross. To Jesus Christ be all the glory. Amen.
LESSON LEARNED:
ü Keep a servant heart
ü Obey
ü Listen to God
ü Stewardship of the body
ü Discretion
ü Don’t be afraid to rest
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label life. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
What will I do when I get thirty?
I was approaching twenty when I told my Father that I wanted to be married at 35. And until now his reaction to that statement reverberates in my ears. I never expected a violent refusal from Tatay, though I know that he won’t agree with my idea.
Two years later I pegged it to 28. However, I felt so impatient to wait for seven years so I changed it to 26. In mid-2008, in the midst of doldrums I thought it best to be at 29, and so its 29 until this moment.
While waiting for this day to come, I am painting the man that I wish to spend my life with here on earth. Every moment that the thought of getting married comes to mind, I am reviewing my “qualification”.
Simultaneous with this, people around keep nagging me of the absence of the man that fetches me after office, which accompanies me whenever I have to do my grocery and all sorts of alibi that they may think of. I can’t tell them that based on my list, I haven’t found him yet. His face is still hidden in haze.
To be fair with the one I am waiting for, I do my part. I am praying for ‘him’ every time the thought comes in. And I pray for my self also, that I will be prepared to spend my life with him; that I will not resist a bit. At the same time, I am praying about my personal baggage, that I will overcome them or at least learn to manage them. I spend time in value formation and relationship building. I study the do’s and don’ts between man and woman in a relationship. I study gender differences. And I am taking time to visit parenting textbook. I listen to married people as they discuss real life experiences with their partners and how they get through it; all these and many other things that I do in preparation.
And there is the WHAT IF sound at the back of my head…
So what will I do when I get thirty?
Many might think that all my efforts will be wasted soon after thirty. But I think otherwise. It could be that my waiting will not come to pass but my preparation will never be wasted because I never wasted time to begin with. God will never leave me empty-handed. God’s work will never be in vain.
And when I am thirty, I will pass on whatever I learned to people who are also building themselves. It will be another chapter, and I am sure it would be as exciting as the 20s.
30s is a prime spot to train and mentor people in the 20s who are trying to gain their base. A decade of career search and so much trailblazing will be an impetus to lead others. Indeed, life never ends when our personal plans end. God have said it, many are the plans in a man’s heart, but the Lord’s plan shall prevail.
Two years later I pegged it to 28. However, I felt so impatient to wait for seven years so I changed it to 26. In mid-2008, in the midst of doldrums I thought it best to be at 29, and so its 29 until this moment.
While waiting for this day to come, I am painting the man that I wish to spend my life with here on earth. Every moment that the thought of getting married comes to mind, I am reviewing my “qualification”.
Simultaneous with this, people around keep nagging me of the absence of the man that fetches me after office, which accompanies me whenever I have to do my grocery and all sorts of alibi that they may think of. I can’t tell them that based on my list, I haven’t found him yet. His face is still hidden in haze.
To be fair with the one I am waiting for, I do my part. I am praying for ‘him’ every time the thought comes in. And I pray for my self also, that I will be prepared to spend my life with him; that I will not resist a bit. At the same time, I am praying about my personal baggage, that I will overcome them or at least learn to manage them. I spend time in value formation and relationship building. I study the do’s and don’ts between man and woman in a relationship. I study gender differences. And I am taking time to visit parenting textbook. I listen to married people as they discuss real life experiences with their partners and how they get through it; all these and many other things that I do in preparation.
And there is the WHAT IF sound at the back of my head…
So what will I do when I get thirty?
Many might think that all my efforts will be wasted soon after thirty. But I think otherwise. It could be that my waiting will not come to pass but my preparation will never be wasted because I never wasted time to begin with. God will never leave me empty-handed. God’s work will never be in vain.
And when I am thirty, I will pass on whatever I learned to people who are also building themselves. It will be another chapter, and I am sure it would be as exciting as the 20s.
30s is a prime spot to train and mentor people in the 20s who are trying to gain their base. A decade of career search and so much trailblazing will be an impetus to lead others. Indeed, life never ends when our personal plans end. God have said it, many are the plans in a man’s heart, but the Lord’s plan shall prevail.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Foundation
The most awaited inaugural speech of US President Barack Obama was just heard. The absence of my access to hear it live left me with youtube.com. Thanks to the prompt response to upload it and thank God for the internet technology.
In the most hailed President’s speech I didn’t find the super-extravagance that some might have expected. The highfalutin words didn’t show up, practically no mesmerizing statement instead it is simply an account about his plans and how he is going to do them.
Taking into account the state of the United States today and the impact of the crisis upon its people, every promise that Pres. Obama will utter would mean so much to them and enough to make them shout. Right now, people in the US and even other nations are hopeful about his leadership; that he will overturn the present political system and in turn would affect many. Countless are leaning upon his leadership.
As he enumerates his plans I can hear shouts of hope as if Pres. Obama is the end of the line. His promises ranges from social security, education, health security, jobs, environmental concerns, energy sufficiency, and many other things contained his list. Well, with the worsening economic condition, I can’t blame them. They really need a messiah that will pull them out of the current crisis.
The Philippines is not an exemption to the hopeful for Pres. Obama as he takes over the presidential seat in the White House.
As predicted 2009 will allow the Philippines to experience the crisis which was initially felt in the US. Many have fret about this predictions. Many are expecting economic downturn.
Although the ability of Obama to reduce the crisis may help us through the globalize nature of economic policies that he might pursue, holding on to his promises alone may leave us losers in the process; because in the end he will prioritize his people. I believe the more pressing concern right now is the way we manage ourselves. Also, it is high time to anchor our security into more certain things than end up dependent on external forces.
In the most hailed President’s speech I didn’t find the super-extravagance that some might have expected. The highfalutin words didn’t show up, practically no mesmerizing statement instead it is simply an account about his plans and how he is going to do them.
Taking into account the state of the United States today and the impact of the crisis upon its people, every promise that Pres. Obama will utter would mean so much to them and enough to make them shout. Right now, people in the US and even other nations are hopeful about his leadership; that he will overturn the present political system and in turn would affect many. Countless are leaning upon his leadership.
As he enumerates his plans I can hear shouts of hope as if Pres. Obama is the end of the line. His promises ranges from social security, education, health security, jobs, environmental concerns, energy sufficiency, and many other things contained his list. Well, with the worsening economic condition, I can’t blame them. They really need a messiah that will pull them out of the current crisis.
The Philippines is not an exemption to the hopeful for Pres. Obama as he takes over the presidential seat in the White House.
As predicted 2009 will allow the Philippines to experience the crisis which was initially felt in the US. Many have fret about this predictions. Many are expecting economic downturn.
Although the ability of Obama to reduce the crisis may help us through the globalize nature of economic policies that he might pursue, holding on to his promises alone may leave us losers in the process; because in the end he will prioritize his people. I believe the more pressing concern right now is the way we manage ourselves. Also, it is high time to anchor our security into more certain things than end up dependent on external forces.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I COOKED PASTA
I went home late last Wednesday due to the proposal that we are earnestly concluding. Without putting into mind my exhausted body and the books that I must read, I proceeded to pre-cook some pasta while having my dinner. After dinner, but still cooking pasta, I opted to prepare the other ingredients. Thank God I managed to browse my reading before eventually resigning to the promptings of my eyes.
Although I slept beyond what my alarm clock dictates, still I woke up with enough time to prepare food. In a very rare situation I suddenly prayed while cooking my so-called “blow-out”. I simply dedicated the task to the Lord and prayed for the people who will partake of the food. I ended up serving two types of pasta.
While sharing the food with my officemates, compliments and gratitude inundated the area. They were amazed on how I managed to prepare two types of pasta. They were delighted by the idea that I can cook. Some of them jokingly told me that I could now get married. With gratitude in my heart I receive all their reactions and I pray that they were blessed beyond the food that I have prepared for them.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
...paving a way for this...
Many people I knew tend to regard me as man-hater, some of them also doubt my gender preference. Little did they know that in my inmost being I have kept few men that I really admired, their memories I have treasured so much.
Right now I am feeling a sudden infatuation to one of them, which I have known since college. I used to express my admiration to this person and share this with some friends however nobody believed me.
His voice has captured me and I long to hear it. Much deeper than this, the way he values life are spirit-lifting to me. Learning from this man tickles idealism and the way to make it real. His passion for art provoked my romantic tendencies. His desires are definite and he pursues them with passion. He inspires me by his simplicity and meekness. He maybe physically petite but he possesses gigantic heart for service, life and values.
How I long to see him again and spend intimate moments of intellectual stimulation with him.
Right now I am feeling a sudden infatuation to one of them, which I have known since college. I used to express my admiration to this person and share this with some friends however nobody believed me.
His voice has captured me and I long to hear it. Much deeper than this, the way he values life are spirit-lifting to me. Learning from this man tickles idealism and the way to make it real. His passion for art provoked my romantic tendencies. His desires are definite and he pursues them with passion. He inspires me by his simplicity and meekness. He maybe physically petite but he possesses gigantic heart for service, life and values.
How I long to see him again and spend intimate moments of intellectual stimulation with him.
Monday, June 30, 2008
MY LIFE WITH JUNE...
Praise God for the courage that He has blessed me to share into writing the experiences I had for the past 30 days.
Yes, it had been 30 days since I had my most coveted 24th birthday and my official unemployment date.
Praise God for giving me strength and courage to face , go through and endure a 30-day (and more than that) unemployed period. Considering my condition , especially to those whom I have shared my life and principles with, becoming unemployed will never be easy.
I left Baguio to spend my 24th birthday with my family in Cagayan; after a year of separation with most of them. Along with that I have with me a decision to stay in Manila and start a new job, hoping to have it as my career path.
The decision to leave Baguio was not instant; it was neither easy. It went through months of "trial" and prayers. Although I am praying that God will send me in Tarlac or somewhere near, I also opened my perspective for other possibilities like anywhere in the Philippines. While seeking for new directions and applying for my next job, three invitations came in Mindanao, Bulacan and Manila.
Because I will never bat an eyelash for Mindanao, I needed to seek affirmation from my family. Immediately, everybody did not agree so I have to dismiss this option, although deep in my heart I am agonizing.
Several invitations from Manila came in, but I seriously considered only one because of so many reasons. After my birthday, I went to Manila to face the decision that I made.
When I traded Baguio for Manila, I felt like trading friendship for principles. It is a topsy turvy twist that I myself do not understand. I am confused. My last few days in Baguio is a life lived in pain. Even before I left only few of my friends gave their blessings; until I reached Manila I can only hear discouragements. Because of these, at some point I thought I am blinded by my disobedience. Most of of my friends are discouraging me to stay in Manila and warning me of the dangers that I will face. I know Manila is a dangerous place but this does not threaten me to the point of backing out.
During my first week of June in Manila many consequences did not turn out to be favorable to me, as I expected them to be. My chosen job Manila did not prosper, not even my most awaited job in Bulacan. Because most of my friends are still not-in-favor-mode during that time, I thought I am being punished by God. I expected to be under curse in the following days. Along side, I lost hope and I felt miserable.
After a very "unsuccessful" week in Manila, I decided to stay in Tarlac for my second week. Many have encouraged me to go back to Baguio but I chose not to. I needed a neutral place at that time, a place where I can re-organize my shattered pieces. While in Tarlac, I went back to my very first job, selling. Simultaneously, I am submitting my resume everywhere while during afternoon I am busy with jobstreet. Many times, I was tempted to go back to my comfort zone (Baguio), fleeing from the ghosts of my life.
A week of staying in the market and selling made me realize and appreciate even more the sovereignty of God. Also, I saw my importance even more as a child of God, that God will prosper His children. I remember a few fights with my Bespren. She reminded me that as we pray for our wants, let us keep in mind that only God's plan will prevail. Although this was said in a very different context, it made me remember the teaching and HR positions that I really prayed for, which apparently, were not granted.
On the third week, I decided to go back to Manila. This time I have my confidence recharged. I just trusted God and put into mind that He is in control. I consider every day as operating according to His plan. I simply enjoyed each passing day - preparing for pre-employment exams and interviews, dressing up and preparing my documents. I have failed many exams and interviews and I have won some. However, every day I wake up under God' grace armed with renewed vigor and confidence. Indeed, everyday is a miracle from the Lord.
Fourth week my job hunt life continues. As I've shared to Bespren, I am enjoying it. I know even in applying for jobs I am serving God; I am worshiping God.
Last weekend, June 28-29, 2008, was spent with the Evangelistas. It is an overwhelming joy to see them. The family, especially Ate Precy, simply affirmed me. Despite the trials and tests I experienced here in Manila, I felt assured that God is not actually punishing me, He is just teaching me His ways and not my ways.
Maybe you are expecting me to tell you that I have a job already. Well, officially none yet. But I know God is preparing my heart and He already promised a seat for me.
It is so amazing how God has crushed my self only to put it back again, Himself. Again, He simply wanted me to go back to the basic and ask this question: "Who is God in my life?"
The 30-day period just ended. Every day God make sure that I am becoming a better and stronger person. He does not miss any opportunity to reveal Himself to me. I know this is just the beginning, I have yet to unravel the mysteries why God allowed me to get in this place, in the JUNGLE, as some of my friends referred to. One thing I am certain, the work of the Lord will never be in vain.
(originally written on June 30, 2008)
Yes, it had been 30 days since I had my most coveted 24th birthday and my official unemployment date.
Praise God for giving me strength and courage to face , go through and endure a 30-day (and more than that) unemployed period. Considering my condition , especially to those whom I have shared my life and principles with, becoming unemployed will never be easy.
I left Baguio to spend my 24th birthday with my family in Cagayan; after a year of separation with most of them. Along with that I have with me a decision to stay in Manila and start a new job, hoping to have it as my career path.
The decision to leave Baguio was not instant; it was neither easy. It went through months of "trial" and prayers. Although I am praying that God will send me in Tarlac or somewhere near, I also opened my perspective for other possibilities like anywhere in the Philippines. While seeking for new directions and applying for my next job, three invitations came in Mindanao, Bulacan and Manila.
Because I will never bat an eyelash for Mindanao, I needed to seek affirmation from my family. Immediately, everybody did not agree so I have to dismiss this option, although deep in my heart I am agonizing.
Several invitations from Manila came in, but I seriously considered only one because of so many reasons. After my birthday, I went to Manila to face the decision that I made.
When I traded Baguio for Manila, I felt like trading friendship for principles. It is a topsy turvy twist that I myself do not understand. I am confused. My last few days in Baguio is a life lived in pain. Even before I left only few of my friends gave their blessings; until I reached Manila I can only hear discouragements. Because of these, at some point I thought I am blinded by my disobedience. Most of of my friends are discouraging me to stay in Manila and warning me of the dangers that I will face. I know Manila is a dangerous place but this does not threaten me to the point of backing out.
During my first week of June in Manila many consequences did not turn out to be favorable to me, as I expected them to be. My chosen job Manila did not prosper, not even my most awaited job in Bulacan. Because most of my friends are still not-in-favor-mode during that time, I thought I am being punished by God. I expected to be under curse in the following days. Along side, I lost hope and I felt miserable.
After a very "unsuccessful" week in Manila, I decided to stay in Tarlac for my second week. Many have encouraged me to go back to Baguio but I chose not to. I needed a neutral place at that time, a place where I can re-organize my shattered pieces. While in Tarlac, I went back to my very first job, selling. Simultaneously, I am submitting my resume everywhere while during afternoon I am busy with jobstreet. Many times, I was tempted to go back to my comfort zone (Baguio), fleeing from the ghosts of my life.
A week of staying in the market and selling made me realize and appreciate even more the sovereignty of God. Also, I saw my importance even more as a child of God, that God will prosper His children. I remember a few fights with my Bespren. She reminded me that as we pray for our wants, let us keep in mind that only God's plan will prevail. Although this was said in a very different context, it made me remember the teaching and HR positions that I really prayed for, which apparently, were not granted.
On the third week, I decided to go back to Manila. This time I have my confidence recharged. I just trusted God and put into mind that He is in control. I consider every day as operating according to His plan. I simply enjoyed each passing day - preparing for pre-employment exams and interviews, dressing up and preparing my documents. I have failed many exams and interviews and I have won some. However, every day I wake up under God' grace armed with renewed vigor and confidence. Indeed, everyday is a miracle from the Lord.
Fourth week my job hunt life continues. As I've shared to Bespren, I am enjoying it. I know even in applying for jobs I am serving God; I am worshiping God.
Last weekend, June 28-29, 2008, was spent with the Evangelistas. It is an overwhelming joy to see them. The family, especially Ate Precy, simply affirmed me. Despite the trials and tests I experienced here in Manila, I felt assured that God is not actually punishing me, He is just teaching me His ways and not my ways.
Maybe you are expecting me to tell you that I have a job already. Well, officially none yet. But I know God is preparing my heart and He already promised a seat for me.
It is so amazing how God has crushed my self only to put it back again, Himself. Again, He simply wanted me to go back to the basic and ask this question: "Who is God in my life?"
The 30-day period just ended. Every day God make sure that I am becoming a better and stronger person. He does not miss any opportunity to reveal Himself to me. I know this is just the beginning, I have yet to unravel the mysteries why God allowed me to get in this place, in the JUNGLE, as some of my friends referred to. One thing I am certain, the work of the Lord will never be in vain.
(originally written on June 30, 2008)
Thursday, June 26, 2008
CAPTIVATED....again
Sitting by and mystified by the seductive wind breeze. I am mesmerized by the sight of a daring sun, kissing the edge of the sea in the horizon. The vastness of the sea conveys power and magnitude. The untiring ebb and flow of water pampers the tiny sand of the sea. The smoothness and gentleness of the sea has conquered me. But beyond that I am captured by their unity - sea, sun and sand. Although separated by differences and distances, they manage to reach out and maintain intimacy.
(written while taking a pre-employment exam in Landbank head office, overlooking Manila Bay)
(written while taking a pre-employment exam in Landbank head office, overlooking Manila Bay)
Monday, May 12, 2008
…affirming the gift…
Since high school Mother’s Day remained a special occasion for me. I have this unfathomable feeling whenever this special day for mothers arrives.
The passing years and the expanding social networks made me understand that motherhood is a gift, a very special gift.
Every person born destined to be a woman cannot be certain of her calling for motherhood. God in His own mysterious and sovereign way appoints motherhood. The intricacies of a woman are wonderfully designed but the position of becoming a mother is especially honored.
All women are created with their uterus in them but not all of them will have regular menstrual period, a critical aspect to conceive. All women can choose to get a husband but not all can conceive. Some women may experience conception but not all will give birth. A few may give birth but still miss the opportunity to become mothers. Many women are blessed with a number of children still many of them missed becoming a mother.
The stories of Hannah in I Samuel and Sara in Genesis are keeping my mind wide awake right now. Sara took a lifetime before God eventually opened her womb. Hannah experience great suffering and an advance dedication of her child to the Lord, then finally God blessed her womb. Two stories that moved me; indeed, it takes a great miracle from an all-powerful God to carry life in one’s womb.
Motherhood is indeed a precious calling. It is a privilege. It is an honor to become a mother. Motherhood goes beyond the conception and giving of birth, it is not even the start of it. Motherhood comes to life when we understand the true meaning of becoming a mother. Absolutely, motherhood has no formula, because in itself it is a life; a gift.
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