EARLY MORNING THOUGHTS

April 5, 2008. A few hours ago I’m contemplating to write a blog on anything about what I feel, or what I think. I’ve tried opening a word document and doodle around. My mind has a lot to offer but I can’t proceed. I can only give until three sentences and my thoughts will start to swirl around, until I bumped into Ate Kiana’s blog.

It is exactly 12 months past since the last time I held a chalk and played it around my fingers. 12 months had past since I rushed on the grades that I have to submit at the same time my co-teacher was bargaining for me to pass all her advisees.

I miss every single thing about being in a classroom, managing your own class; sharing life and ideas; sharing time and life’s experiences. I miss waking up very early in the morning to prepare for my class and staying up really late to evaluate my classes. I miss my life that revolves around textbooks, exams, lesson plan, notebook and all. I miss my life inside the classroom. I miss those people I have shared my life with.

My eyes are pretty teary. At some point, I thought life was so unfair. I never choose to quit but life made me quit leaving all the passion for teaching behind. At first I can’t reconcile God’s reasons for letting me do something and forego of what I really like. I can’t imagine how I managed to cross that part of my life, leaving behind the life that I want.

Now I am in crossroads again. I can grab a chance to go back to this life that I’ve missed. Now I get to understand God. He wanted me to stand firm on what I really wanted to do. Wherever place I’ll go, I’ll choose that path I chose before. I opt to remain a teacher, to share life with people who have the same thirsty spirit as I am. God in His own mysterious ways wanted me to realize the thing that I really want; giving me a clear and definite direction on my way towards it.

Indeed, God owns the secret things in life and it’s up for Him to reveal them in His desired time. Praise God for making me see this in the bleak point of my life. We may not understand Him at some point, we may get annoyed in His process of teaching us but He will definitely deliver us and teach us upon His sovereign design.