Marky Cielo

It grieves my heart to welcome this day with the death of a fine young man who fought by standing firm for the cause of the indigenous peoples, the Igorots.

Watching him excel in "Starstruck" I am, at the same time witnessing the pride in the eyes of his folks men while I was in Mt. Province. I can see that they long for this kind of representation.

The experienced discrimination served as his motivation to continue the fight for his people.

I do not know him personally but I enjoyed how much he did it to the top.

In a positive note, we learned our lesson. Discrimination is an issue that we need to conquer. He passed away but he left a legacy for his fellow Igorots.

Receiving has responsibilities

Before I end up bored with the unending debates in that cold room, someone caught my attention with this line "receiving has responsibilities".

I was reminded on my answered prayers. Whenever God positively responds to my prayer, I simply thank God. But I never deeply thought about the responsibilities that arise with the blessings.

I passed the LET

Despite the stress in my work. I managed to smile.

I can't miss the opportunity to express my gratefulness to God.

Once again He created a miracle in my life.

I hope to post my article on LET experience.

Indeed, God unveils mysteries in our lives.

Praise God. To Him belong all glory, honor and praises.

http://inquirer.cdnetworks.us/inquirer/examresults/TEACHER_SECONDARY/TEACHER_SECONDARY__B.htm

Sunday in the office

Sunday, is the Lord's day.

This is also my official rest day.

And I wanted to really respect this.

Today is Sunday...and I am in the office. Instead of the regular schedule I am at work.

This is the first but I think this will not be the last.

absence

It's been two months that I longed to drop by and utter a few words. Everyday I am in front of the computers, in fact even at home.

My topics are piling in my folder. I can't steal time to finish them.

This is making me sick.

Christmas is coming. I could be all the more sick.

I COOKED PASTA

I went home late last Wednesday due to the proposal that we are earnestly concluding. Without putting into mind my exhausted body and the books that I must read, I proceeded to pre-cook some pasta while having my dinner. After dinner, but still cooking pasta, I opted to prepare the other ingredients. Thank God I managed to browse my reading before eventually resigning to the promptings of my eyes.

Although I slept beyond what my alarm clock dictates, still I woke up with enough time to prepare food. In a very rare situation I suddenly prayed while cooking my so-called “blow-out”. I simply dedicated the task to the Lord and prayed for the people who will partake of the food. I ended up serving two types of pasta.

While sharing the food with my officemates, compliments and gratitude inundated the area. They were amazed on how I managed to prepare two types of pasta. They were delighted by the idea that I can cook. Some of them jokingly told me that I could now get married. With gratitude in my heart I receive all their reactions and I pray that they were blessed beyond the food that I have prepared for them.

After the food sharing, I felt joy inside. Indeed, it is greatest to serve God than anyone else. Also, in silence I know I was able to celebrate the birthday of my Nanay and former boss and mentor, at the same time it is a special celebration for my Lola, whom I really missed.

The Cycle

My desire to visit Mindanao sprung in my young heart with constant exposure to progressive songs during my childhood. I personally wanted a real experience of Mindanao, not just in a tourist state, but in a fellow state.

The luxury of sitting down with media facilities everyday gave me an "opportunity" to witness the miserable state in Mindanao area. War broke again in the land of promises.

The present war in Mindanao led me to tears, and constant distress. There's nothing new in it. It is still a fight for territory, rights, identity and recognition. It goes on for days, weeks, months, years, decades, and centuries. It is tiring for both the audience and participants. Indeed, it is a tiring journey and struggle awarded from generation to generation. The actors and actresses change but the strivings are the same; plus-minus the lives that were laid in exchange.

I hope the next capping of guns would be the end...Well it is just my hope, it may not happen but at least I hoped and prayed for it...

I've seen the rapid and intense fluidity in this world, and if one's faith is not anchored in a solid ground, the self simply breaks away. God made known Himself to me as my rock, my sure foundation.

Soon as I reached the last stair step of our building flat, the place was entouraged by the mighty showers from the sky. The cascading raindrops is escaladed by the communing rays of the sun. Suddenly, all the tiredness that my body stored went flop.

It was a very short welcome but a momentous one.

Driver's Journey

The catapultic forward movement of prices almost led me to callousness; refusing to be in-touched with the everyday economic development. Almost everyday, when Filipinos wake up a leap in price completes their breakfast and that may make them not have breakfast at all.

In this home of PUV-dependent people, the system does not seem to cater the needs of the transportation providers that serve as transfer lines of commuters. Upsurging prices brought the clamor for fare increase. Thank God the "favor" fell upon the drivers. However, regulatory measures prevent them to taste the victory that they waited for. The inability to procure the fare matrix hinder the drivers to collect the necessary fee. Apparently, acquiring fare matrix takes a very long process and really costly, giving additional burden to operators and drivers. Everyday, whenever I ride jeepneys, I can see that many still do not have the fare matrix.

Life, indeed, is ironic...

...paving a way for this...

Many people I knew tend to regard me as man-hater, some of them also doubt my gender preference. Little did they know that in my inmost being I have kept few men that I really admired, their memories I have treasured so much.

Right now I am feeling a sudden infatuation to one of them, which I have known since college. I used to express my admiration to this person and share this with some friends however nobody believed me.

His voice has captured me and I long to hear it. Much deeper than this, the way he values life are spirit-lifting to me. Learning from this man tickles idealism and the way to make it real. His passion for art provoked my romantic tendencies. His desires are definite and he pursues them with passion. He inspires me by his simplicity and meekness. He maybe physically petite but he possesses gigantic heart for service, life and values.

How I long to see him again and spend intimate moments of intellectual stimulation with him.

BLOGGERS VIRTUAL HAVEN

Pinoy Bloggers Come Together at Ebloggers.phThe countless members of the Pinoy blogger's community has just been presented with a new blogger's forum solely committed to benefit them. Mr. Joedel Sanvictores launched Ebloggers.ph - Bloggers Forum for Pinoys last July 3, 2008. It is a forum motivated to grant the Pinoy blogger any service that would make web writing more comfortable and even rewarding. The primary benefit of the forum is that it gives way to an easy and uncomplicated system of meeting and creating networks with fellow Pinoy bloggers. It may well become the headquarters of Pinoy bloggers all over.Members can make posts regarding their latest blog entries and other users within the forum are free to link up to any of the blogs that they wish to visit. This way, members of the forum are not merely able to endorse their own blogs but are also able to promote the blogs of other members in the forum. This is a mutually satisfying relationship because members can help each other publicize their own blog sites.Ebloggers.ph is also the place for bloggers looking to earn money through their blogs. The forum contains threads and topics reserved for discussing and learning about how members may convert their web literature into cash.The new forum opens its doors not only to the experienced bloggers but also to other enthusiasts who have never tried blogging but are interested to learn. Blogging tutorials are provided in the site as well as countless tips about blogging from other members who wish to share their blogging expertise.

-- http://JoedelSanvictores.com/ in Real Life!

MY LIFE WITH JUNE...

Praise God for the courage that He has blessed me to share into writing the experiences I had for the past 30 days.

Yes, it had been 30 days since I had my most coveted 24th birthday and my official unemployment date.

Praise God for giving me strength and courage to face , go through and endure a 30-day (and more than that) unemployed period. Considering my condition , especially to those whom I have shared my life and principles with, becoming unemployed will never be easy.

I left Baguio to spend my 24th birthday with my family in Cagayan; after a year of separation with most of them. Along with that I have with me a decision to stay in Manila and start a new job, hoping to have it as my career path.

The decision to leave Baguio was not instant; it was neither easy. It went through months of "trial" and prayers. Although I am praying that God will send me in Tarlac or somewhere near, I also opened my perspective for other possibilities like anywhere in the Philippines. While seeking for new directions and applying for my next job, three invitations came in Mindanao, Bulacan and Manila.

Because I will never bat an eyelash for Mindanao, I needed to seek affirmation from my family. Immediately, everybody did not agree so I have to dismiss this option, although deep in my heart I am agonizing.

Several invitations from Manila came in, but I seriously considered only one because of so many reasons. After my birthday, I went to Manila to face the decision that I made.

When I traded Baguio for Manila, I felt like trading friendship for principles. It is a topsy turvy twist that I myself do not understand. I am confused. My last few days in Baguio is a life lived in pain. Even before I left only few of my friends gave their blessings; until I reached Manila I can only hear discouragements. Because of these, at some point I thought I am blinded by my disobedience. Most of of my friends are discouraging me to stay in Manila and warning me of the dangers that I will face. I know Manila is a dangerous place but this does not threaten me to the point of backing out.

During my first week of June in Manila many consequences did not turn out to be favorable to me, as I expected them to be. My chosen job Manila did not prosper, not even my most awaited job in Bulacan. Because most of my friends are still not-in-favor-mode during that time, I thought I am being punished by God. I expected to be under curse in the following days. Along side, I lost hope and I felt miserable.

After a very "unsuccessful" week in Manila, I decided to stay in Tarlac for my second week. Many have encouraged me to go back to Baguio but I chose not to. I needed a neutral place at that time, a place where I can re-organize my shattered pieces. While in Tarlac, I went back to my very first job, selling. Simultaneously, I am submitting my resume everywhere while during afternoon I am busy with jobstreet. Many times, I was tempted to go back to my comfort zone (Baguio), fleeing from the ghosts of my life.

A week of staying in the market and selling made me realize and appreciate even more the sovereignty of God. Also, I saw my importance even more as a child of God, that God will prosper His children. I remember a few fights with my Bespren. She reminded me that as we pray for our wants, let us keep in mind that only God's plan will prevail. Although this was said in a very different context, it made me remember the teaching and HR positions that I really prayed for, which apparently, were not granted.

On the third week, I decided to go back to Manila. This time I have my confidence recharged. I just trusted God and put into mind that He is in control. I consider every day as operating according to His plan. I simply enjoyed each passing day - preparing for pre-employment exams and interviews, dressing up and preparing my documents. I have failed many exams and interviews and I have won some. However, every day I wake up under God' grace armed with renewed vigor and confidence. Indeed, everyday is a miracle from the Lord.

Fourth week my job hunt life continues. As I've shared to Bespren, I am enjoying it. I know even in applying for jobs I am serving God; I am worshiping God.

Last weekend, June 28-29, 2008, was spent with the Evangelistas. It is an overwhelming joy to see them. The family, especially Ate Precy, simply affirmed me. Despite the trials and tests I experienced here in Manila, I felt assured that God is not actually punishing me, He is just teaching me His ways and not my ways.

Maybe you are expecting me to tell you that I have a job already. Well, officially none yet. But I know God is preparing my heart and He already promised a seat for me.

It is so amazing how God has crushed my self only to put it back again, Himself. Again, He simply wanted me to go back to the basic and ask this question: "Who is God in my life?"

The 30-day period just ended. Every day God make sure that I am becoming a better and stronger person. He does not miss any opportunity to reveal Himself to me. I know this is just the beginning, I have yet to unravel the mysteries why God allowed me to get in this place, in the JUNGLE, as some of my friends referred to. One thing I am certain, the work of the Lord will never be in vain.

(originally written on June 30, 2008)

CAPTIVATED....again

Sitting by and mystified by the seductive wind breeze. I am mesmerized by the sight of a daring sun, kissing the edge of the sea in the horizon. The vastness of the sea conveys power and magnitude. The untiring ebb and flow of water pampers the tiny sand of the sea. The smoothness and gentleness of the sea has conquered me. But beyond that I am captured by their unity - sea, sun and sand. Although separated by differences and distances, they manage to reach out and maintain intimacy.

(written while taking a pre-employment exam in Landbank head office, overlooking Manila Bay)

…affirming the gift…

Since high school Mother’s Day remained a special occasion for me. I have this unfathomable feeling whenever this special day for mothers arrives.

The passing years and the expanding social networks made me understand that motherhood is a gift, a very special gift.

Every person born destined to be a woman cannot be certain of her calling for motherhood. God in His own mysterious and sovereign way appoints motherhood. The intricacies of a woman are wonderfully designed but the position of becoming a mother is especially honored.

All women are created with their uterus in them but not all of them will have regular menstrual period, a critical aspect to conceive. All women can choose to get a husband but not all can conceive. Some women may experience conception but not all will give birth. A few may give birth but still miss the opportunity to become mothers. Many women are blessed with a number of children still many of them missed becoming a mother.

The stories of Hannah in I Samuel and Sara in Genesis are keeping my mind wide awake right now. Sara took a lifetime before God eventually opened her womb. Hannah experience great suffering and an advance dedication of her child to the Lord, then finally God blessed her womb. Two stories that moved me; indeed, it takes a great miracle from an all-powerful God to carry life in one’s womb.

Motherhood is indeed a precious calling. It is a privilege. It is an honor to become a mother. Motherhood goes beyond the conception and giving of birth, it is not even the start of it. Motherhood comes to life when we understand the true meaning of becoming a mother. Absolutely, motherhood has no formula, because in itself it is a life; a gift.

…the journey I would not want to miss…

I FELT A DIRE NEED TO POST THIS: the following article or say some parts of it was published in SY 2006-2007 in one of the Ti Similla issues, a publication of University of the Philippines Baguio. Revisions were made.

I started my teaching career when I was still in grade school. My first students were my siblings. I guided them to read and write letters. I also facilitated them in writing their names. Counting activities and story telling were also part of my duty. My little blackboard and hardly earned chalk were with me during this short mission.

Teaching runs in my veins since childhood. It is a vocation that I started to experience early in life. Gurong Pahinungod Program (GPP) once again allowed me to have more chalks and be with now a bigger blackboard but with a greater responsibility. This program led me to repaint an almost forgotten past.

I prayed for a teaching career but I never wished to be with high school students. But the Lord was really wise for leading me into a path I never wanted just to show more of myself and of Himself.

Being a Gurong Pahinungod (GP) is a life changing experience. It touched every aspect of my life—emotional, psychological, mental, social and spiritual. Living in a community where I am a complete stranger melt down whatever arrogance I have. It left nothing but humility and ability to understand in a wider perspective. It renewed me as an individual. This affirmed me all the more. It has stretched my faith and exhausted my skills and revealed my unknown talents. Thus, it became a re-creation of my self. GPP showed more of who am I. It unleashed my capability to see and evaluate my weaknesses and fears and most especially to conquer them.

Gurong Pahinungod is not a perfect experience. It is not smiling and laughing moments at all times. There are times that I got really mad. Some instances I wanted to quit and live my life. At times I got very frustrated. And there are moments that I find myself kneeling down before the Lord, crying out loud hoping that it will reach heaven, but I believe all my prayers have reached God. But the bottom line is I learned. I learned that servant hood requires your whole life. It is a bitter sweet experience that we will face. But after that the rewards are in heaven.

A year of volunteer work made me realize that teaching does not stop when your students could decode the word, recognize the word, or even understand the word. In reality teaching does not end; it’s infinite. Even separation could not break the process, it is a transcending duty. I am not only a giver but also a recipient of learning. If I could inflict change to just one life I know the sacrifices are worth giving, for just one year.

I thank the Lord for bringing me into this point of my life. A point where I do not only teach, but I’m being taught as well; a point where I could see life in its most colorful state; a point where I could say that I have tried to crossed the lines from selfishness to selflessness; a point where I could agree with Rizal that the youth are the hope of this nation; a point where I could say that my generation could make a difference.

I did not emerge from a wealthy family not even from upper middle nor lower middle class; probably, I am from one of the lowest decile in the society. You might find this strange or same may even address this as insanity. If that would be the case I’m choosing to be crazy being a servant of my fellow than to be sane yet lacks profoundness.

NEXT BET

ATTENTION: Read the link before reading the article, to contextualize this post. Thanks!

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/breakingnews/nation/view/20080422-131998/Crush-causes-of-insurgency-not-rebels

For weeks I have been problematizing the strategies of the government in dealing with the numerous crises that bombard the Philippine archipelago from sun up to sun down.

In the event of succession for PNP chief, the contenders will have their chance to express the plans for Philippine issues that concerns them.

The issue of insurgency in the Philippines is a stagnant subject matter in the archipelago. The desire to put off this movement has caused bloodshed all over the Philippines.

Reading through the statements of Deputy Director General Jesus Verzosa, I sensed some hope for the issue of insurgency. Instead of declaring war against the insurgents, he instead declared a rather hopeful strategy. Rather than bloodshed, he chose to cull the reasons of insurgency. What a statement from an officer, who wanted to pursue understanding than waste ammo in the battlefield, chasing one after the other.

Indeed, this country is tired of wars in the mountains and plains. The nation needs a more rational, real and objective pursuit of dealing with the crises. It’s high time to put a cap on the ammo and trace other paths other than engaging conflicts forever. The life that breathes inside each nation needs much more that the ideology that people are dying for.

I hope that those people sitting in ivory towers will follow the same path. We can never stop insurgency by killing the people who are part of it but we can put of the flames the keep insurgency burning by listening to the people, knowing their needs and their reasons for rebellion. Wars against insurgency will just rise up more insurgents; it will never silence it. thus, we must turn around our approach in dealing with this issue.

TEMPTATION OF DEEP THOUGHTS

takdang sumuong sa misteryo ng katahimikan at pag-iisa

bugso

Bumubulwak ang hangin, kasaliw nito’y himig na nakapanghihilakbot, may hatid rimarim ang bawat pagpatak ng hangin.

redeemed

Sinimulan kong isatitik ang aking isipan nang huminto ang pluma. Nilagyan ko ng diin and pagsulat; padiin nang padiin hanggang sa tumagas ang dugong nagsadula ng aking kasaysayan.

EARLY MORNING THOUGHTS

April 5, 2008. A few hours ago I’m contemplating to write a blog on anything about what I feel, or what I think. I’ve tried opening a word document and doodle around. My mind has a lot to offer but I can’t proceed. I can only give until three sentences and my thoughts will start to swirl around, until I bumped into Ate Kiana’s blog.

It is exactly 12 months past since the last time I held a chalk and played it around my fingers. 12 months had past since I rushed on the grades that I have to submit at the same time my co-teacher was bargaining for me to pass all her advisees.

I miss every single thing about being in a classroom, managing your own class; sharing life and ideas; sharing time and life’s experiences. I miss waking up very early in the morning to prepare for my class and staying up really late to evaluate my classes. I miss my life that revolves around textbooks, exams, lesson plan, notebook and all. I miss my life inside the classroom. I miss those people I have shared my life with.

My eyes are pretty teary. At some point, I thought life was so unfair. I never choose to quit but life made me quit leaving all the passion for teaching behind. At first I can’t reconcile God’s reasons for letting me do something and forego of what I really like. I can’t imagine how I managed to cross that part of my life, leaving behind the life that I want.

Now I am in crossroads again. I can grab a chance to go back to this life that I’ve missed. Now I get to understand God. He wanted me to stand firm on what I really wanted to do. Wherever place I’ll go, I’ll choose that path I chose before. I opt to remain a teacher, to share life with people who have the same thirsty spirit as I am. God in His own mysterious ways wanted me to realize the thing that I really want; giving me a clear and definite direction on my way towards it.

Indeed, God owns the secret things in life and it’s up for Him to reveal them in His desired time. Praise God for making me see this in the bleak point of my life. We may not understand Him at some point, we may get annoyed in His process of teaching us but He will definitely deliver us and teach us upon His sovereign design.

THANKFUL DESPITE OF….

Growing up in our neighborhood was never easy for me. I grew up in a community where most of our neighbors are going abroad to find for greener pastures. Luckily they did; they stumbled upon places of milk and honey.

Materially, their families were able to achieve what they want. Envy of this condition and desperate to provide us with a better life, my mother tried moving her way as well. My father inclined to follow his ideals never approved of that. At that age, I was confused my mother was I think overly submissive to our father missing the opportunity to follow her wants and desires, especially for her. Consequentially, my mother and father have to remain sellers all their life while our neighbors are enjoying life here and abroad, materially.

As the years are passing, the leaves falling from the branches that keep them, slowly our shy community started to expand. I observed house renovations here and there. I could see our neighbors acquiring assets, one thing we were greatly deprived of. I still remember we had a television because my aunt gave us one and that was in 2004, if my memory serves me right.

Because of our economic condition, we were expected to join our parents in the market selling their stuffs. Thus, we lived a secluded life. I, being the eldest and a female, was never given the freedom to spend ample time with my friends and visit the places in our small town.

Now, time has allowed me to process everything. The more than two concluded decades of my life made me realize the privilege we had, as a family. Today, an intact family is offered elusively; one thing we enjoyed. You may be together physically but you priorities in life differ. Or it may happen the other way around. This age showed me that living together in one family may last for only less than a decade because young families starts to break away due to economic demands. Thank God we made more than that.

Fathers or mothers going into far places to earn a living, and wanting to provide for their families needs because they are afraid that the society’s expectation will not be met. The Philippine’s dependence to OFW’s escalates yearly because the country cannot provide enough jobs for them.

The results of this search for green pasture are broken homes and broken lives in the neighborhood. Parents, who took the risk, leaving their kids behind, are trustful of their other half to take over all the responsibilities in the household more importantly tending their children. Unknowingly, when they get back they will be surprised with unwanted pregnancies, drug addicted children, out-of-school youth, unfaithful wife/husband, ailing house; and the worst no savings at all.

Building a family structured in a home will never be an easy task. However, repairing a broken family or broken life is a lot hard work than anything else, especially if you don’t know them anymore. Earning a lot in a faraway land may merit you the opportunity to aid a temporal hunger but the loss earned from leaving may mean a long enduring pain.

LESSONS FROM TEACHER VAL

Teacher Val is a member of our gang. Yes we have a gang but only Mariel knows about it. We meet on Wednesdays in the Evangelista’s mansion. If the gang’s leader is not around which happened to be Manang Precy, we meet elsewhere, in PMA, the other mansion, the joint Paloma-Viaje’s Mansion or else the mansioner/orphanage in Loakan, the Luga’s mansion.

We also see each other on Sundays, to serve our Master and Lover, Jesus Christ. We also meet on Mondays to learn from our co-servant in the Lord, Pastor Erwin and Tita Amy.

I met Val in her peak. She was a positive, learning, maturing, rationalizing and happy-to-be-with gang-mate. Really there are times I get tired of simply listening to her because she everything to say on things and she never gets tired…of talking. I love to tease her though because she knows how to get on with every throw.

Before 2007, ends I went suddenly alienated from Val, I kept it to myself not knowing that I am not alone. The gang is beginning to “gang up” on her, because we “don’t know her anymore.

As gang mates we desire to know whatever she is going through. She had counseling sessions around. I myself even poured out my heart on her because I can’t accept the feeling of not telling her what I actually feel.

We prayed for her at the same time we devoted much time discussing on her condition. Until such time we all got tired and ceased talking/minding about her.

Simultaneously, Val retired from her usual “she”. The merry and talkative Val was missed by everyone. For some time we had a Val who is defensive, moving away and living in silence.

March 23, 2007 I had the chance to be with my gang mate again after two long months of not fellowshipping together. At first, I was hesitant to ask her of anything; honestly I reached the point of becoming uncomfortable whenever I am with her. But, thank God for opening my mouth and letting me speak and listen to her once again. What a wonderful and glorious time it is. i saw that Val that I used to know. The vigor went back; the merry, talkative Val was back. She shared her lessons from the Lord; she narrated how much she struggled during those times that she doesn’t understand what she was going through.

Indeed, there are times that we long to understand people not knowing that these people we want to understand are also themselves don’t understand what they are going through. God really has His way of forcing us to focus upon Him. He will detach us to the point of shoving us away from our earthly treasures simply to put us back in His arms again making us know that He alone is the source of our joy.

In this age, where education and knowledge are both most held God in His mercy and grace puts His hedge of protection upon us not to be swayed from earthly materialism. Instead He will put us into a vacuum where in the final sense we will never doubt His authenticity in our lives. Indeed we can never understand all these things. It is only our sinful nature supported by evil’s doings that blinds us to keep on explaining the unexplained.

The experience of Teacher Val made a warning sign on my part. I don’t need to understand and explain things. I should let God open my mind and heart to understand His works upon all things putting forward in reverence His sovereignty over al things.

Praise God, I had the honor to be the first to embrace Val on her birthday. Also I had the honor to ask forgiveness to her for I have uttered words during her times of trial instead of asking God to open my heart and mind in understanding her.