CONFESSIONS OF A SINGLE LADY

Being young makes me feel very strong and invincible. I feel to have full of strength that I spend a lot of time at work. I know that I perform my job because I want to bring glory to God. I pray for excellence in my work. I pray for my officemates. I pray for most activities I do at work, even my response to pressures and some possible compromise. Little did I know that in the process my body is having accumulated weakness, until I got sick.

I don’t remember anymore about the last time I had severe fever. Probably for almost ten years I never stayed in bed longer than one day because of fever. Sometimes overnight was enough for a fever visit. Generally, I don’t get sick especially if I’m away from my family. In fact, there are years that I never get sick. But last week (June 26-July 3) is a different week, I cannot withstand the fever. It came without warning and I got tired of drinking medicines.

Since I know I am not sickly, it took me five days before I decided to go and seek medical help (June 30). I thought it was just an ordinary fever I usually had. I hated being sick because that means staying home, doing nothing but sleeping all day. I can’t even read because my head aches and I feel dizzy.

I consulted one of my doctor-friend, and without seeing me, she told me that I possibly acquired A(H1N1). But my other doctor-friend opted to accompany me to the hospital, and so we went. I was so scared to be admitted, I’d rather stay home. I immediately asked God that if possible I don’t want to stay in the hospital even for an overnight stay. However, I still took my pillow with me in case the answer is NO.

At the hospital, they took my blood and had an x-ray. We waited for the laboratory results until about 10:00 pm. During the initial diagnosis, which was done earlier, I was spared from A(H1N1) but suspected of dengue fever. When the lab results were released the doctor wanted another blood test because of my low platelet count.

The next day (July 1) as I was preparing to go back to the hospital for the lab test, I suddenly felt very ill. I know I can’t go back, but I have to and I can’t go there alone, I feel so bad. I chanced on Ate Precy (Evangelista), and she agreed to accompany me. This time I am still afraid that the hospital might admit me. The second lab result cleared me for dengue and all I need to do is obey (drink medicine on time and REST). The last prescription was to drink water.

I was admitted, in Evangelista Medical Center is where I spent my July 1, 2009. This made my healing process easier than staying alone in our house. Ate Precy took another mile and served as my nurse. Grace and Ruth were my prayer warriors. They always pray for my healing, especially during mealtime. This is 101% better than hospital.

Incidentally, I was reading the Book of Matthew. I don’t understand some parts of the book but during the time I was sick, I kept in my heart that Jesus is the only Healer. Jesus heals in different ways, direct or indirect, verbal or by touching. Sometimes, He does not immediately cure (i.e. Lazarus) to manifest greater things about Him. He has His set time and He is always in control.

Everyday, since Day 1 I am expectant that God will heal me. It took how many days but in all those days He never failed to remind me that He will heal me, and so I never lose hope. (Right now I am 99.99% recovered)

God, who is in control, simply want to open my eyes and understand Him all the more. Yes, I struggled with pain because He did not immediately heal me but He allowed other people to bless me. He wants me to see Ria (my roommate) is very much concern about my condition; that she is willing to sacrifice a portion of her time to serve me. He allowed me to feel the thoughtfulness and concern of my officemates. He allowed me to be blessed by Dr. Marian, by bringing me to the hospital despite the fact that she’s also tired from her hospital work. He allowed me to be blessed by the Evangelista family as they took care of me. He opened an opportunity for me to be blessed by my Dgroup. All the while I thought they didn’t care but they do. I found a cheap and good hospital. During the time I was sick, I had generous time with Tiny (ex-cadet). I’ve wanted to see him and talk to him. And guess what, God gave me all the time.

I all these things I am greatly blessed. And I could have missed to see all these if God had healed me earlier. I praise God for allowing me to experience pain but also allowed me to see the people around. July 2 Nanay arrived. She very well know how to take care of me. I thank God for Nanay, I just can’t imagine life without her. Ate Precy was able to share the Gospel to Nanay and she prayed to receive Christ. Amazing!!! Praise God. I have been praying for that day to come, it’s been years of prayer and the answer just came. WOW!

That Sunday July 5 I brought Nanay with me in CCF. That was not the first time I brought her to church but it was my very first time to see her positive response while we were attending the service. Words are not enough to describe the awe I felt. God was just so amazing!!!!!

I never regret being sick for more than a week. This is the first time in my life that I enjoyed being sick. Words may not be enough to thank God, but in my heart I am deeply moved. I am not worthy of the blessings but by His grace He made me worthy. I seek forgiveness because I know in the process I have sinned before God. I just praise God that my sins have already been forgiven and nailed at the cross. To Jesus Christ be all the glory. Amen.

LESSON LEARNED:
ü Keep a servant heart
ü Obey
ü Listen to God
ü Stewardship of the body
ü Discretion
ü Don’t be afraid to rest

Para sa mga batang pinagkaitan ng laya...

Nilikha ka ng kapusukan o pagmamahal,
Nagbungang buhay ay binuhay,
Ngunit nakakubling buhay ang buhay.

Hinabing istorya’t isiniwalat,
Pangsikil sa layang dapat,
Pangtakip sa walang hanggan,
Pangsinop sa katotohanan.

Musmos ma’y dapat lumaya,
Nang matutong magpalaya.
Kahihiyan ipagparaya,
Kapalit ng paglaya.

Nakakalunos na paslit,
Binigyang buhay,
Ngunit ninakawan ng laya
At karapatan.
Marapat pang kitlin,
Kaysa habang buhay bilanguin.

isang pagsilip sa sarili

Dapat nga ba talagang sadyain ang pagkakaibigan? O pwede nga bang sadyain ang pagkakaibigan? Hindi kaya ito magiging simpleng ekspresyon na lang ng “hypocrisy”

Sa aking pananaw ang pagkakaibigan ay arbitrary. Nangyayari ito kahit hindi pagplanuhan. Bahagi siya ng tinatawag na natural instinct ba yun? Mayroong pwersang parang nagdidikta sa swak-ness nang personalidad ng mga indibidwal. Kung wala ang pwersa na yon, pwede kayang pilitin ang sarili?

Marahil sa pagdaan ng panahon, given the chance to lower one’s pride, magtutugma din ang personalidad. Thus, maaring magsimula sa pilitan ang lahat pero dapat tunawin ito ng pagpapakumbaba at malawak na pang-unawa.

(reminder sa aking sarili, para maging mas friendly ako hahah)

What will I do when I get thirty?

I was approaching twenty when I told my Father that I wanted to be married at 35. And until now his reaction to that statement reverberates in my ears. I never expected a violent refusal from Tatay, though I know that he won’t agree with my idea.

Two years later I pegged it to 28. However, I felt so impatient to wait for seven years so I changed it to 26. In mid-2008, in the midst of doldrums I thought it best to be at 29, and so its 29 until this moment.

While waiting for this day to come, I am painting the man that I wish to spend my life with here on earth. Every moment that the thought of getting married comes to mind, I am reviewing my “qualification”.

Simultaneous with this, people around keep nagging me of the absence of the man that fetches me after office, which accompanies me whenever I have to do my grocery and all sorts of alibi that they may think of. I can’t tell them that based on my list, I haven’t found him yet. His face is still hidden in haze.

To be fair with the one I am waiting for, I do my part. I am praying for ‘him’ every time the thought comes in. And I pray for my self also, that I will be prepared to spend my life with him; that I will not resist a bit. At the same time, I am praying about my personal baggage, that I will overcome them or at least learn to manage them. I spend time in value formation and relationship building. I study the do’s and don’ts between man and woman in a relationship. I study gender differences. And I am taking time to visit parenting textbook. I listen to married people as they discuss real life experiences with their partners and how they get through it; all these and many other things that I do in preparation.

And there is the WHAT IF sound at the back of my head…

So what will I do when I get thirty?

Many might think that all my efforts will be wasted soon after thirty. But I think otherwise. It could be that my waiting will not come to pass but my preparation will never be wasted because I never wasted time to begin with. God will never leave me empty-handed. God’s work will never be in vain.

And when I am thirty, I will pass on whatever I learned to people who are also building themselves. It will be another chapter, and I am sure it would be as exciting as the 20s.

30s is a prime spot to train and mentor people in the 20s who are trying to gain their base. A decade of career search and so much trailblazing will be an impetus to lead others. Indeed, life never ends when our personal plans end. God have said it, many are the plans in a man’s heart, but the Lord’s plan shall prevail.

Foundation

The most awaited inaugural speech of US President Barack Obama was just heard. The absence of my access to hear it live left me with youtube.com. Thanks to the prompt response to upload it and thank God for the internet technology.

In the most hailed President’s speech I didn’t find the super-extravagance that some might have expected. The highfalutin words didn’t show up, practically no mesmerizing statement instead it is simply an account about his plans and how he is going to do them.

Taking into account the state of the United States today and the impact of the crisis upon its people, every promise that Pres. Obama will utter would mean so much to them and enough to make them shout. Right now, people in the US and even other nations are hopeful about his leadership; that he will overturn the present political system and in turn would affect many. Countless are leaning upon his leadership.

As he enumerates his plans I can hear shouts of hope as if Pres. Obama is the end of the line. His promises ranges from social security, education, health security, jobs, environmental concerns, energy sufficiency, and many other things contained his list. Well, with the worsening economic condition, I can’t blame them. They really need a messiah that will pull them out of the current crisis.

The Philippines is not an exemption to the hopeful for Pres. Obama as he takes over the presidential seat in the White House.

As predicted 2009 will allow the Philippines to experience the crisis which was initially felt in the US. Many have fret about this predictions. Many are expecting economic downturn.

Although the ability of Obama to reduce the crisis may help us through the globalize nature of economic policies that he might pursue, holding on to his promises alone may leave us losers in the process; because in the end he will prioritize his people. I believe the more pressing concern right now is the way we manage ourselves. Also, it is high time to anchor our security into more certain things than end up dependent on external forces.

senses...

Time ticks continuously, it runs unnoticed. I’ve been sitting here for more than two hours, doodling and babbling, and sometimes I do at the same time. I am currently not at peace but I hope to ease this and move forward.

For almost a week, I have been reviewing the education programs and projects here in our office. Amazingly, there are efforts in fact to arrest the condition of education in the country. On the contrary, during my morning and afternoon walks to and from the office, I find kids on the streets asking for alms, amassing the garbage for food, sleeping anywhere; I practically witness anything but manifestation of poverty: HUNGER.

I am lying in the midst again. While I am prodding myself to work with education programs and projects to respond to the literacy issues of children in this country, those children are out there not minding about their literacy but more focused on their physical longings.

The social issues are complex but intertwined. The psychology of man is even greater than that.

I AM WATCHING YOU DAD...